Love me When I'm Gone
by Agrona Meabh
Summary: Story on hiatus. Going to rewrite this.
1. Prologue

**Title**: Love me When I'm Gone  
**Author**: Illuma  
**Fandom**: Magic Knight Rayearth  
**Rating**: T  
**Warnings**: Warning of a future death.  
**Characters**: Hikaru, Lantis  
**Feedback**: Feedback is always welcome!  
**Summary**: Hikaru has a secret she's been keeping from everyone. After the last time they were summoned to Cephiro, they found a way to bring Lantis, Ferio, Ascot, Caldina, Lafarga, and Presea to Earth. They all thought they'd have a happy ending. They all thought everything would be alright.

A little over one year after their return, Hikaru had gone to her new doctor for a routine visit. It was at that visit that she found out about her sickness. She suffered in silence with it for seven years, not telling her beloved friends. The only people that knew, was her family. She couldn't bear telling anyone else. Her doctor all wondered… how long did she have left before she would stop responding to any treatments? How long before she would have to leave this world, and her loved ones behind? For now… only time will tell.  
**Author's Notes**: A few things you all need to know. If I go out or character with their personalities, don't shoot me. I know them somewhat but I'm not perfect. I don't have the manga yet, and I only have the first season of it. I've watched a few episodes from the second one, but not all of them. I think there are about 9 or 10 left for me to see. I think that's about it.

Ah. Also for anyone who's read any of my other stories, yeah I'm experiencing a lot of writer's block for those. Except for Innocence Faded which the second chapter I'm currently working on. I don't know how soon it'll be up.

Oh yeah. A lot is being given away in the prologue. I'm doing this for a reason.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the characters of Magic Knight Rayearth. They belong to CLAMP. Fear them! Kay not really.

**Prologue**_  
_----------

Hikaru coughed as she lay sleeping in her bed. Her coughing woke her, but thankfully not the man lying next to her. This man, he was everything to her, but she could never find the strength to tell him her deepest secret. The one she'd been keeping from every single friend. She felt that she could never tell them. She was supposed to be strong. She wasn't supposed to be sick. At least… not like this.

Moving slowly, Hikaru eased herself out of his warm embrace and left her bed, her feet softly hitting the carpeted floor. Covering her mouth as she started coughing again, she rose to her feet and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her. She didn't want him to worry. She didn't want him to know. She wanted… she wanted to get better. For him. She wanted to spend a long life with her beloved Lantis. But that was one wish, no one could grant. Even with all of the medical advances, they could find no cure for leukemia. Her doctor had said that when she stopped responding to treatments, there would only be a little time left for her. She told her, that it would be best to tell her friends as soon as possible. Keeping it a secret for so long, would only bring more pain to them in the end.

She didn't want that. She didn't want her friends to suffer because of her mistake. But she was afraid. She was afraid of what they would say. What they would do. She didn't know if she could handle it.

Hikaru paused by the bedroom door before she moved to the couch, sitting down slowly. She lifted her left hand and looked down at the ring on her finger. She smiled down at it. Lantis had proposed to her three months ago. She had been so excited that all she could do was smile and nod at the time, her sickness forgotten for that one moment. She smiled again as her other hand moved to gently caress it.

The ring was beautiful. She smiled as her fingers moved lightly over the teardrop shaped diamond. On either side two delicate hearts framed accent diamond stones. Gently she removed the ring from her finger and turned it over in her hands, admiring it.

Hikaru looked up quickly when she heard footsteps in the bedroom. She didn't move to put the ring back on her finger when she saw Lantis coming towards her.

"Having second thoughts?" he asked as he sat down next to her.

"No," she said softly as she slid the ring back onto her finger. "I was just looking at it."

Lantis smiled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Is something wrong, Hikaru?" he asked.

"Not at all," she said. "I just couldn't sleep. That's all."

"Are you sure?" he replied.

"Yes. Nothing to worry about," she said as she leaned against him, cherishing the contact. Inwardly she sighed. _Of course there is_, she told her herself. _But how can I tell you? I don't want you be in pain because of me. I don't want to hurt you._

"Alright," Lantis said. He wasn't going to press her. She would tell him if something was wrong if she really needed to. It wasn't like he could force it out of her anyways. "Do you want to sit here for awhile or come to bed?"

"I'm going to sit here for awhile. If… if you don't mind could I be alone? I have something to think about."

"Alright," he said again and slowly stood up, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Goodnight," he said smiling before he rose completely and headed back to the bedroom, leaving the door open.

"How can I tell them? How can I tell him?" she asked herself, her voice barely audible. "I can't do it. I can't tell them. Too much pain is already in my life. Their pain would only make it worse. But they told me I needed to tell them. I have to tell them. But how can I tell them?" Hikaru couldn't stop repeating these thoughts over and over in her. How was she going to go about telling them? _"Hey guys, guess what. I have leukemia. I'm going to die." _Yeah. That made a lot of sense. She rolled her eyes and stood up. She'd figure something out. She had to tell them sooner or later. Might as well be the former.

She sighed inwardly as she headed back to the bedroom, closing the door behind her. She slid under the covers carefully and felt Lantis's arms wrap protectively around her.


	2. Chapter 1

**Title**: Love me When I'm Gone  
**Author**: Illuma  
**Fandom**: Magic Knight Rayearth  
**Rating**: T  
**Warnings**: None that I can think. Just a lot of reading?  
**Characters**: Hikaru, Lantis, Umi, Fuu, Ferio, Ascot, Caldina, Lafarga, Presea, Satoru, Masaru, Kakeru  
**Feedback**: Feedback is always welcome!  
**Summary**: Hikaru has a secret she's been keeping from everyone. After the last time they were summoned to Cephiro, they found a way to bring Lantis, Ferio, Ascot, Caldina, Lafarga, and Presea to Earth. They all thought they'd have a happy ending. They all thought everything would be alright.

A little over one year after their return, Hikaru had gone to her new doctor for a routine visit. It was at that visit that she found out about her sickness. She suffered in silence with it for eight years, not telling her beloved friends. The only people that knew, was her family. She couldn't bear telling anyone else. How long did she have before she would have to leave this world, and her loved ones behind? For now… only time will tell.**  
Author's Notes**: Nyah nyah. Okay umm... now that I think about it, this story isn't going to be very long is it? Oh well. As long as you all like it who cares right? n-n Anyways! So far I haven't lost my muse for the story. Hope I won't because this is actually entertaining me. Side note: edited the summary a little. x3 Eh. I have to fix it in the prologue to. So much work!

Enjoy. n-n

Oh yes. Most of the information I used can be found at I do not own the characters of Magic Knight Rayearth. They belong to CLAMP. Fear them! Kay not really.

**Chapter 1**_  
_----------

Lantis sighed as he looked down at his sleeping fiancé. She looked so peaceful lying there. He could only wonder what she had been thinking about last night. He doubted she'd tell him. She always kept everything to herself. His head turned when he heard the phone ringing out in the hallway. He wondered who would be calling this early in the morning. He shrugged and left the bedroom to answer it. it rang only twice before the answering machine picked up before he could get to the phone. He muttered something under his voice but stopped when he heard a woman's voice.

"Ohayō gozaimasu. I'm calling for Shidou Hikaru from Doctor Hitari's office. I'd like to remind you that you have an appointment tomorrow morning at 9am. Doctor Hitari would also appreciate it if she's not late again like last time," the woman said, pausing for a moment before she continued. "Doctor Hitari would also like to know whom you've told. Please be prepared to answer all of her questions." There was a moment of silence before Lantis heard a click, signaling that the woman had hung up on the other end.

Lantis stared at the answering machine, wondering what she had meant about "whom she had told." There was obviously something important Hikaru was keeping from him. He wanted to know what it was. He wasn't going to let Hikaru know that he'd heard the message about her appointment. He hadn't even known about it in the first place. He'd ask her about it later. For now he had to leave. He'd already showered and gotten ready for work. He had only wanted to watch her for a few moments before leaving. Sighing once more, he grabbed his keys off of the table by the door and left, locking the door behind him.

-----

Hikaru rolled over onto her stomach when her alarm clock started going off. The beeping loud in her ears. With a groan, she hit the top of it, aiming for the snooze button to make it stop. She missed a few times before the beeping finally stopped. She didn't want to get up. Not yet anyways. She sighed heavily as she resigned to getting up anyways. She'd have to sooner or later anyways. She had to go to 'work,' as some might call it. She'd actually left her job three weeks ago, not telling anyone except her brothers. They understood her reason for quitting. They knew it was her own choice to do so, and it was her choice as to when she would tell her friends about her sickness. It was all only a matter of time before it came out.

Hikaru yawned as her feet hit the floor and she slowly rose to her feet. She ran a hand through her red hair as she headed towards the bathroom to take a shower. she did it fast. She had to or she would have been late to where she was going. She dressed quickly after her shower. She'd get something eat there. When she entered the living room, she noticed the flashing answering machine. Who had called?

She shrugged and went to play it. She might as well know who it was. When the woman said "Doctor Hitari would also like to know whom you've told," she sighed. She only hoped Lantis hadn't heard the message before he'd left for work. She wasn't ready to tell him just yet. When it finished, she deleted the message. If Lantis hadn't heard about her appointment, she sure as hell didn't want him to when he got home. The only ones who knew she was going were her brothers and she wanted to keep it that way for now.

As she grabbed her keys before going out, her mind drifted back to the days she had been in Cephiro. With her precious friends she had fought to save Cephiro. A land she had come to love. She'd been so strong for everyone. A smile drifted across her face as she thought about everything that had happened there. Everything she'd gone through with her friends, she'd never forget.

But when she first found out, she'd only been going in for a routine checkup with her new doctor, Doctor Hitari, and it had really only been a year after their last visit to Cephiro. She'd been diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML), a slow-growing cancer of the white blood cells- also sometimes called chronic myeloid, chronic granulocytic or chronic myelocytic leukemia. Hitari had told her that CML was a common leukemia. CML patients have bone marrow that makes too many white blood cells. CML is caused by a change in the genetic code of some of the cells in the bone marrow. In these cells, part of chromosome 9 moves to chromosome 22. This creates an abnormal chromosome called the Philadelphia chromosome. The Philadelphia chromosome makes an enzyme (called tyrosine kinase) that signals the body to make too many white blood cells. Doctors do not know what causes the Philadelphia chromosome to appear. Hitari told her that CML had three phases, and most patients were diagnosed in the first phase, called the chronic phase. It can develop over time into the second (accelerated) and the third (blast) phase. In the chronic phase, there are more white blood cells in the blood and bone marrow than usual. Most are mature cells that can work normally. Depending on treatment, the chronic phase may last two to five years or more before turning into the accelerated phase. The symptoms of chronic phase CML depend on how high the person's white blood cell count is. Often, people do not notice any symptoms at all. Hikaru had been one of those and her CML had been found during that very routine doctor's visit.

Hikaru withdrew from the painful memories and left the apartment. Keys in hand, she locked the door behind her and headed towards the elevator. For the past eight years she'd had this sickness. For the first five she'd been going through what was known as the chronic phase, experiencing fatigue, headaches, and pain or the feeling of fullness on the left side of her abdomen. After that, she'd been lucky to hide the symptoms from Lantis and everyone else, but she had had frequent visits to Doctor Hitari's office. She'd have fevers, night sweats where she'd wake up in the middle of the night, cold clammy and uncomfortable, her clothes soaked and the bed sheets clinging to her. And worst of all, by the time she'd get up, change her clothes, change the sheets and snuggle under the blankets again, she'd be wide awake. Most of the time, it was impossible to get back to sleep.

The other symptoms of the Accelerated Phase included weight loss and shortness of breath and pale skin caused by anemia (too few red blood cells). She hid the weight loss by wearing loose clothing. When she was short of breath she'd turn it into a fake coughing fit until she felt she could breath normally again. Hiding the paleness when it occurred was a bit harder. She'd taken to wearing cover-up when her CML had reached that phase and she went pale. In this phase those symptoms were more noticeable than those in the Chronic Stage, and that much harder for her to hide.

When she first found out, she'd only had enough courage to tell her family. Her beloved friends, she couldn't bring herself to tell them. There would have been too much pain, and even now there would be more pain when she told them. She didn't know if she could handle it. Hitari had told her that she was no longer responding to treatments. Tomorrow would be the last time she'd visit Hitari-san. After that, there wouldn't really be any reason to keep seeing her. What would the point have been?

"I… I'll tell him tonight," she said softly to herself, leaning against one wall of the elevator. "I'll tell them all tonight. They have to know. I have to tell them. I can't keep hiding it from them." Hikaru lifted her head and looked at the ceiling of the elevator. "It'll be hard. But they must know. It's not my secret to keep. It never should have been."

-----

Lantis sighed as he glanced at his watch. Hikaru had called him earlier saying she needed to talk to him about something tonight. She had told him to meet her at her family's home. He was curious to know what it was. He had tried to ask, but all she had said was that it was very important that he come. She had said to be there by six pm. He wanted to ask more, but she had already hung up on him. All he could do was wonder.

It wasn't till about an hour later till he could finally leave. He waved to some of his coworkers before leaving the office, heading for the parking structure where he'd parked his car that morning. When he reached his car, he unlocked the door and tossed his things onto the passenger seat. He quickly got into driver's seat, started the car and headed off towards the Shidou Dojo. He'd been there several times before, so he knew the way.

But the surprise to him when he finally arrived was that there were other cars parked out front. He recognized them and knew whom they belonged to. As soon as he had stepped out of his car, the gates opened and he saw Hikaru's oldest brother, Satoru, standing there, as if he'd been waiting for him.

"Come in," he said. Lantis looked at him, locked his car and followed him inside, the gates closing behind them.

"What's all this about?" Lantis asked as he followed Satoru.

"All will be explained inside," he said quietly, not saying another word. His sister had been the one to call them all, and she wanted to tell them.

"Konban wa, Lantis," said a voice from inside as the door slid open. He recognized it as Fuu's.

"Konban wa, Fuu," he said as he followed Satoru inside. He glanced to one side and noticed Hikaru's other brothers, Masaru and Kakeru were kneeling in the doorway, solemn looks on their faces.

Satoru started to say something but stopped when he heard Hikaru calling his name. He rose to his feet and quickly left the room to go to her. They heard him say yes to her. That they were all there, waiting. They heard two sets of footsteps coming towards the room. Satoru returned and knelt down by his brother, Kakeru.

They looked up when Hikaru came in, one hand on the doorway to hold herself up. She wouldn't look up at them, keeping her eyes down. She took a moment to lower herself into a kneeling position. She still wouldn't look at them when she started to speak.

"I… I have something to tell you. I've been keeping this from you all for far too long, and it's time you knew. Before it became too hard for me to say." She paused for a few moments before she could try to continue. But it was hard for her, and before she could continue, the stress and worry that had been building up in her, caused her to faint, her body falling sideways onto the floor, the last thing she saw before she sank into the darkness of sleep were her brother's faces and her beloved's.


	3. Chapter 2

**Title**: Love me When I'm Gone  
**Author**: Illuma  
**Fandom**: Magic Knight Rayearth  
**Rating**: T  
**Warnings**: Umm… lots of information? Yeah I don't know.  
**Characters**: Hikaru, Lantis, Fuu, Ferio, Satoru, OC-Doctor Hitari and Isara  
**Feedback**: Feedback is always welcome!  
**Summary**: Hikaru has a secret she's been keeping from everyone. After the last time they were summoned to Cephiro, they found a way to bring Lantis, Ferio, Ascot, Caldina, Lafarga, and Presea to Earth. They all thought they'd have a happy ending. They all thought everything would be alright.

A little over one year after their return, Hikaru had gone to her new doctor for a routine visit. It was at that visit that she found out about her sickness. She suffered in silence with it for eight years, not telling her beloved friends. The only people that knew, was her family. She couldn't bear telling anyone else. How long did she have before she would have to leave this world, and her loved ones behind? For now… only time will tell.****

Author's Notes: Kay my disclaimer and the site I used in the last chapter got eaten. xD I didn't even notice it so here ya go. Just navigate around there and you'll find what I used. The internet is good for some things. It really is. Well I'll leave you to read the chapter now. Ah, and my apologies for the long delay in the release of the newest chapter. I've been kinda busy with stuff. 

**Toukitoshi's broken heart-** No, I don't actually. I did a lot of searching on Google to find a site with that much information on it. When I got to that part I spent a few days reading several pages on the site to figure a few things out. I don't know all that much about leukemia, but the site I used helped me with it.

**Chapter 2**_  
_----------

"Eh?" Doctor Hitari said as she lifted her head when she heard the phone ringing. It rang a few times before she remembered Isara had gone to pick something up for her. She pressed a button on the base as she lifted the phone, answering the call.

"Is Doctor Hitari in?" asked a familiar voice on the other end of the line.

"This is Doctor Hitari speaking."

"Hitari-san, would… would it be possible for you to come out to the Shidou dojo right away? I… I think there's something wrong with Hikaru," he said quickly.

"I think I might be able to. My schedule is clear for the rest of the day. When Isara returns I should be there in about 30 minutes alright?"

She heard a muttered reply that sounded like alright before the call was ended. She sighed inwardly and set the phone back down on the receiver. She glanced at her watch and sighed. Isara would be back any minute now with the package.

After Isara returned with the package, she joined Doctor Hitari in gathering up a few things before they headed out to the doctor's car. Doctor Hitari had told Isara she'd gotten a call from Satoru Shidou about Hikaru Shidou. The younger woman only nodded in understanding, and soon enough they were off to the Shidou dojo.

"So what do you think it is?" Isara asked, looking over at the doctor.

"Hard to say since I don't know what happened. Once we get there, I'll find out what's going on with her now. I can't simply tell over the phone. But it probably has something to do with the fact that she hasn't told them about it yet."

"You think so?"

"Yes. That's why I wanted her to tell me whom she's told other than her family tomorrow. She can't keep it a secret forever. Especially not now since she stopped responding to treatments not to long ago."

"I see," Isara said as she turned head and look out through the front window of the car. She leaned back in her seat and sighed inwardly, lifting her head to look at the roof of the car. The rest of the trip was in silence after that. The only sound in the car was the music coming from the radio.

-----

About a half an hour later, Doctor Hitari pulled up outside the Shidou Dojo. During the drive it had started drizzling, and as luck would have it, she had an umbrella. She grabbed her bag from the backseat and left the car, Isara hurrying to join her under the umbrella as soon as she'd opened it.

The doctor glanced at her and smiled before she put a hand on the wooden gate when they approached it, slowly pushing it open. Hitari closed the gate behind them. It was a common enough thing for her to come here, so she always let herself in. Ahead of them a door slid open to reveal Satoru Shidou. Doctor Hitari smiled lightly as she approached, Isara at her side. Hitari closed the umbrella and entered the place with Isara, dropping the umbrella into a tall, thin metal canister by the door.

"Alright," Hitari said. "Take me to my little trouble maker."

Satoru nodded. "She's this way."

Hitari paused when she felt several pairs of eyes on her. She turned her head and looked at the group. "Can I assume these are all the people she wants to tell but was never able to gather up the courage to tell them until today?"

"Yes," Satoru said. "And she passed out right before she even told them."

"Oh bother," Hitari said. "See this is why I wanted her to tell them sooner," she said as she rubbed the side of her head with the palm of her hand. "Especially now that it's finally happened."

"What's finally happened?"

"I'll explain in a minute," she replied. "For now I need to find out what's wrong with her this time."

Satoru nodded as he led Doctor Hitari and Isara out of the room to the one Hikaru was currently in.

-----

"Hikaru," Doctor Hitari crooned. "Wake up my little trouble maker," she said softly.

When she didn't wake, Hitari leaned closer to her ear and said, "If you don't wake up I'll have to take advantage of this situation and do what I've always wanted to." Behind her back Isara stifled her giggling as Hikaru suddenly sat up staring at the doctor.

"That's not funny!" Hikaru said loudly.

"I thought it was," Hitari said, laughing at Hikaru's reaction. "Now. Let's find out what's wrong now shall we?"

Hikaru looked down and started talking.

-----

They all looked at each other when they heard Hikaru's voice, saying something wasn't funny, and then a reply from the doctor saying she thought it had been. After that everything was in hushed tones, none of them knowing what they were talking about.

It seemed like forever before Hitari came back into that first room; her assistant had stayed behind in the other room with Hikaru.

"Well. Let's simply call this a lot of built up stress accumulated over the years. She kept holding in her little secret, and it finally backfired at the exact moment she was about to reveal it. That's nothing to worry about. But what needs to happen now, is they need to be told," she said, indicating the group staring at her.

"Is she going to come back?" Satoru asked.

"No. She told me it might be best if I told them. She doesn't think she can handle it anymore. So I told her I'd do it, and she's resting now."

"What's wrong with Hikaru?" asked the dark haired man closest to her.

"One second," Hitari said. "Let me introduce myself first. My name is Aruni Hitari. I've been Hikaru's doctor for the past eight years, treating her sickness. Before you start asking questions, I'll tell you up front. Hikaru has what's called Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia, or CML." Before she could continue, a young woman with brown hair seated next a young man with green hair, interrupted her.

"What do you mean, she has leukemia? How does she have leukemia?" she said.

"It's exactly what I mean when I say she has leukemia. It's an illness that there is no exact cure for at this time, though are still trying to figure one out I assume. As for how, well I can only really tell you what causes it. How someone gets any type of leukemia in the first place, I'm not really positive on that."

"So what causes CML then?" she asked.

"Well. Typically the patients that have CML have bone marrow that make to many white blood cells. CML is caused by a change in the genetic code of some of those cells in the bone marrow."

"What's bone marrow?" said the dark haired man close to her.

"Bone marrow is the tissue comprising the center of large bones. Going on, in those cells, part of Chromosome nine, moves over to chromosome twenty-two.

"When that happens this creates an abnormal chromosome called the Philadelphia chromosome. This then creates an enzyme that signals the body to make too many white blood cells. Currently, doctors don't know what causes the Philadelphia chromosome to appear."

"Isn't there some sort of treatment?" the young woman with brown hair asked.

"Well yes. For most CML patients, a drug called Gleevec is the standard first treatment. And most patients' disease responds to Gleevec. But because it's a newer treatment, there are still questions about how long patients' response to Gleevec will last. We measure how well Gleevec is working by looking at three responses. First is the Hematologic, or blood response, which is how well the blood counts return to normal. Second is the Cytogenetic, or cellular response, which is the number of cells with the Philadelphia chromosome. Samples of twenty to thirty of those cells are checked. A major response means at least sixty-six percent of cells are normal, and a complete response means all cells tested are normal. Last is the Molecular response. Molecular testing can find as few as one cell in a million with the Philadelphia chromosome.

"But if even a small number of cells with the Philadelphia chromosome remain in the body, CML could return. Ideally the goal of treatment is to achieve a complete molecular response. Unfortunately, we weren't able to accomplish that goal. But like some patients, Hikaru began losing her response to the drug over time. We tried giving her higher doses and combining Gleevec with other drugs, but not much seemed to happen.

"A marrow or peripheral blood cell transplant, also called a BMT, using cells from a family member or unrelated donor, an allogeneic transplant, is the only known treatment that can cure CML, but it has risks and is not an option for all patients. Even for patients in good health, other than their CML, a transplant has risks of life-threatening complications. Aside from that, there were no suitable donors to use for the transplant."

"So what does this all mean?" the same young woman replied.

"What this means is that her only option now, isn't going to have a happy ending. If anything it's nothing short of a miracle that she's lived this long, and that her response to Gleevec even lasted as long as it did. If there was anything more we could do, we'd do it, but there's nothing left."

"What can we do then?" she asked, tears on the edges of her eyes.

"At this point, treat her the same way you have since you've known her. Don't make her feel like she's being left out of something because of this. All she can do now is live her life as normally as she can. I'll tell you now that I don't know how long she has left. At most I'd say a year, maybe less."

-----

An awkward silence filled the room when Doctor Hitari stopped speaking. All of them, excluding the Shidou brothers, were still overcome with shock and sadness. Their beloved Hikaru was going to leave them, long before her rightful time would ever come. The one hit hardest by all of this was Lantis. He was the one that had grown closest to her over the years, yet she had never told him. All he had ever known was that when they had moved into an apartment together, she would leave their bed, seeking solitude. There was never a moment that he didn't wonder what was going through her mind when she suddenly left. He wished there was something they could do for her, but he felt he just didn't have the time to figure it all out. Hikaru had surely known this wasn't long in coming.

_But why couldn't she tell us? _He asked himself. The question was surely running through the minds of everyone else in the room who had just found out, all of this sudden information hitting them hard. What had made it so difficult for her? Was it the fact that she wasn't going to be able to spend a long and happy life with them? That she was suddenly going to be torn away from her life, her family, and her friends? He didn't know. He couldn't answer these questions. Maybe no one could.

Looking up, his eyes met that of the doctors, and what he saw there wasn't what he had expected to see. In her eyes he could see the sadness, a deep sadness reflecting his own. This woman had grown to love Hikaru as they all had. Not the same way, but it was there. He knew this woman had done all she could to try and help Hikaru, but there was simply nothing more they could do.

"Doctor Hitari?" said a voice from the doorway behind her, interrupting the silence that had fallen.

"Yes? What is it Isara?" she asked, turning to face her.

"Hikaru wants to ask you something," she replied.

"Alright," she replied, pushing herself to her feet. She turned and followed Isara out, going back to the room Hikaru was in.

-----

"So what did you want to talk about?" the doctor asked upon entering the room.

"That thing I asked you about earlier. Is it still possible?"

"Well, I'm not sure. We still have the ones from that third visit so many years ago. All we'd need is something from him and someone to do it, and it might be possible."

"But how-"

"Get him to come in with you tomorrow. You are still coming in right?"

"Yes of course!" Hikaru exclaimed. "I wouldn't want to leave you with free time on your hands now would I?" she said laughing.

Doctor Hitari smiled and laughed softly. "No I suppose not. But if he's willing, I don't think it should be a problem. There are several people I know who would probably be willing to do it. If he agrees to it, I'll make the calls."

"Alright," Hikaru said, hiding her smile. "And doctor?"

"What is it, Hikaru?"

"Thank you for everything."

"My pleasure," she said as she knelt down and embraced the young woman in front of her.


	4. Chapter 3

**Title**: Love me When I'm Gone  
**Author**: Illuma/Dying Dreams  
**Fandom**: Magic Knight Rayearth  
**Rating**: T  
**Warnings**:  
**Characters**: Fuu, Satoru, Hikaru, Lantis, Umi, Caldina  
**Feedback**: Feedback is always welcome!  
**Summary**: Hikaru has a secret she's been keeping from everyone. After the last time they were summoned to Cephiro, they found a way to bring Lantis, Ferio, Ascot, Caldina, Lafarga, and Presea to Earth. They all thought they'd have a happy ending. They all thought everything would be alright.

A little over one year after their return, Hikaru had gone to her new doctor for a routine visit. It was at that visit that she found out about her sickness. She suffered in silence with it for eight years, not telling her beloved friends. The only people that knew, was her family. She couldn't bear telling anyone else. How long did she have before she would have to leave this world, and her loved ones behind? For now… only time will tell.**  
Author's Notes**: I think this story is going to make me cry later. And... this chapter is short cause I can't think anymore. T-T

**Disclaimer**: Still not with the owning.

**Chapter 3**_  
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Silence filled the place. Only an hour ago had Doctor Hitari and her assistant left the Shidou Dojo. The good doctor had bid them farewell and departed. There wasn't anything she could do to console the aching hearts of the people who hadn't known about Hikaru's illness. It wasn't something they had expected, even coming from a doctor. None were sure that the shock would have lessened had it come from one of the Shidou brothers, or even Hikaru herself. But the fact that there was nothing they could for her hurt the most. The fact that they were going to lose her at all, was almost too painful to bear.

Tears were shed all around, little puddles of wetness forming beneath them on the wooden floor. It was painful to admit what they had been told. It was painful to admit that they would lose one of the most precious things to them. The pain couldn't stop. No, it _wouldn't_ stop. It would keep hurting, no matter what they did. It would always hurt. The pain of knowing they would lose her.

The first to speak was Fuu, her voice soft and almost going unheard, "It can't be true. None of it is. It's a mistake. Some horrible mistake." Her voice was so soft, barely even audible to herself.

"I'm sorry," Satoru said from somewhere in front of the gathered group. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. Hikaru kept promising she'd tell you. She told us everything would be alright. I'm sorry."

His brothers didn't say a word, and silence once again enveloped the room. Thoughts of anything else obscured by those few simple words echoing in their minds.

"_At most I'd say a year, maybe less."_

A year was nothing. A year wasn't going to give them enough time to do everything they would want to do for her. A year could never even come close to easing the pain they would feel when she finally left them. Even if there was some way she could make them feel better nothing would ever be the same. Nothing would be right again.

-----

What seemed like hours passed before Hikaru emerged from the room and entered the one her friends and brothers were in, stopping at the threshold as she held onto the wooden frame for support.

"I know I screwed up," she said softly, causing heads to turn and lift to look at her as she stood there in the doorway. "I know that I should never have kept this from you, and that I should have told you as soon as I had found out. And I know that nothing I can do can ever change what I did. But all I ask now, is that until that time comes, that you'll all be with me until it does. I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to be afraid. I've already accepted that I'm not going to be around to grow old with my beloved friends. All I ask is that you accept this and stay with me." Hikaru turned then, one hand covering her mouth as she tried to hide her tears from them.

No one moved or spoke, but Lantis slowly rose from his position on his knees, steadying himself when he almost fell, and approached her, his arms reaching forward to wrap around her as he pulled her away from the frame and into his arms. He never wanted to let her go. He wanted her to always be with him, to be able to hold her like this.

He felt her shift as her small hands grabbed his shirt front as she buried her face in his chest. He could feel her tears soaking his shirt, but he didn't mind. This was hard and painful for all of them. News like this would never be easy for anyone to accept.

"Hikaru," he whispered softly, gently kissing the top of her head. "Listen to me," he whispered, speaking for her ears only. "I understand why you didn't tell us. You were afraid of everything. It was something you didn't want to accept. But you know we'll always be there for you. No matter the circumstances. We were there for you in Cephiro, and we're here for you now. It won't ever change. Things might be awkward, but my feelings won't change. I'll always love you Hikaru, no matter what happens. I promise."

Hikaru sniffled, her arms suddenly moving to wrap around his torso. "I'm so sorry," she whispered back. "If only I had told you, things would be so much easier. It wouldn't be this painful."

Lantis stopped her words with a finger on her lips. "No. The thought of losing you will always hurt. Your strength is what gave us all the hope we yearned for. You are our Pillar, Hikaru. Just knowing that we still have some time left with you is all we need," he said softly, speaking to her and her alone. "You don't have to say anything to anyone. You don't have to explain to us why you didn't say anything. It no longer matters. Just let us be here for you."

Hikaru nodded slowly against him. She knew it had been her mistake to keep it from them, but if they could be so understanding for her, then it was alright. As long as they didn't hate her, nothing else mattered anymore. Slowly she left Lantis's arms and was suddenly embraced by Fuu, Umi and Caldina. All three of them were crying, and she felt the dam suddenly burst as tears began to flow down her cheeks.

Why did things have to happen this way? Why couldn't she be allowed to live a normal life with her beloved friends and her lover? Why couldn't things be simple?

But that would be expecting to much. A simple life with few complications was the dream of many, and none would ever achieve that dream. Humans are denied that simplicity with how they live their lives. One event can cause a chain reaction that can either end in a good way, or a bad way, but until the end they are left clueless; with the occasion that they learn beforehand.

As Hikaru stood within that small circle, three of her most precious people holding onto her like a lifeline, she felt some sort of contentment. She knew her time was limited, a year at most to spend as much time as possible with them. Life could never be easy or simple for anyone. It wasn't made to be that way.

She had come to terms with everything long ago, and soon perhaps they would be able to perform one last miracle. If Doctor Hitari gave the ok, there was one last thing she could do for her love so he would never be lonely when she passed. She just hoped with everything she had, that it would be ok.

TBC...


	5. AN

I would like to notify the readers of this story that this fiction will be going through a rewrite some time in the future. I can not be sure when, but I've lost my muse for it. Wondered off after the last update.  
That and I wasn't pleased with how it was going. So don't expect any new chapters from this in the near future.

My apologies to those still wanting to see an actual update.

Dying Dreams


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